What happens when communications fail?
– You feel misunderstood
– Your needs aren’t met
– Your relationships lack intimacy or connection
Tool #1: Perform a Self Assessment
There is no change until we are aware of the need to change! You can discover how to express yourself – in an open, honest, non-confrontational way that helps everyone involved feel more compassionate and cooperative with each other … whether your “communication partner” is a lover, child, family member, friend, or co-worker.
Tool #2: Motivate Action Without Manipulation
In our culture, we often use communication to manipulate. Nonviolent communication or compassionate communication models a way to banish these barriers to communicating effectively:
| Fear | Justification |
| Guilt | Name-calling |
| Shame | Criticism |
| Blame | Labeling |
| Coercion | Threats |
Rather than use any of these to motivate action, compassionate communication emphasizes the intent and practice of compassion – for yourself and the other person.
Tool #3: Take Personal Responsibility
Compassionate Communication teaches the skills for all of us to take responsibility and power for creating the kind of communications we want. This requires that we assess honestly what we are doing, what we want, and what we need. Often a coach can help us get the perspective we need to take responsibility for our part in any communication challenge.
Tool #4: Intend to Act Compassionately
The founder of Nonviolent Communication, Marshall Rosenberg, says,
“All labels are the tragic expression of pain and unmet needs”.
So our first task is to learn how to think, feel, and act compassionately towards ourselves. We can start by acknowledging that we each do our best in the moment. If we knew something better, we would do better.
Our next task is to learn how to direct that self-compassion towards the person with whom we wish to communicate. We do that by setting the intention to communicate honestly and without blame, judgment or labels. Becoming curious and empathic towards the other's feelings, needs, and requests helps us to communicate with compassion.
Tool #5: Improve Competency with Practice
Everyone needs practice to perfect a skill. The ability to communicate effectively is no exception. But practice without feedback can often waste time and money. Practice with a trained, experienced facilitator who can offer honest, compassionate feedback will help all parties learn, practice, adapt, and perfect.